Just a little thankyou…Recently I have been trying to think of what a new post to write when I just thought I’d write a post about how thankful I am to have the people I have in my life. The people who have to put up with me and my moods and constantly listen to me go on and on and on.

First my dad to be honest my dad has made me the person who I am today he such a hard worker and has always told us that we have to work for where we want to be in life when growing up I have always been a daddy’s girl, and with what went on with my mam, my dad has always been there for me and my sisters and brother. he has been through so much and even through all he’s been through he still comes out smiling, he works so hard and he works so hard for us. he is the best dad anyone can ask for, he always puts us first before himself he makes sure we are all happy. He’s such a fighter which is why look up to him so much, he has a patience of saint having to deal with me and my two sisters. Whenever I’m feeling down or anxious I always know that he is just a phone call away and he makes everything so much better, not living near him makes it so hard but I know when times are tough he will come down to me without a doubt. The way he is to my niece and nephew is just the cutest I see the way Aran and Kerry look up to him and they are his world. We have all done quite well so far and its all thanks to my dad. And I don’t say it enough to him but I’m so thankful for everything he has given me and just brought me up to be the person I am today.

My sister tara is a person I look up to so much she is such an inspiration she has gone so far in life and has conquered so much and is the best mum to Kerry and Aran, they have turned into such happy little people and she has worked so hard in life to give them everything they need. I know when times are tough for me she is always there for me she is one of my best friends ad she is always giving me advice and listening to my problems and telling which path to go down.

My best friends, sometimes I don’t know how some of you put up with me cause I’m constantly going on about things and overthinking but thank you for being such great friends to me and putting up with me and always there for me no matter what. I cant describe how grateful I am.

My housemate Sasha and Kurt who also are part of my best friends I think you have to put up with me the most as you see and deal with me everyday but thank you both for always being there for me especially when I’m at my lowest, I always know your always there for me and ye always try to cheer me up when I’m down, and I’m sorry when I’m in my moods but what gets me through it all I know that you never judge me think I’m a freak lol. But I can’t thank you enough, living with you both the last year has made me into a new person and I feel I’ve changed so much in a good way but its all thank you both.

I think when you’re at your lowest you think you have no one but when you actually think about it there are so many people around you that care for you. You just have to open your eyes.

If you like reading this please have a look at my other blogs thanks, xx

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This is my biggest fear ever. I’m not as bad as I was before but I still hate it. I just get so anxious having to stand up in front of people and speak, like it doesn’t matter if I’m presenting to two people or 50 people when my anxiety strikes I just can’t deal with it. I feel like everyone is judging me and my heart starts beating so bad and I start getting really warm and my palms get sweaty. I recently read an article online about strategies for managing public speaking anxiety. Mark twain has been a professional speaker and communications coach for over 20 years. So he knows all about public speaking and the fear you get when public speaking. In his article he has 3 strategies which are as follow:
Exercise that morning.
The positive stress of exercise makes cells and structures and pathways within the brain so that they’re more armed to handle stress in other forms.” Rather than use the morning of your big presentation to reflect and freak yourself out, spend at least a half hour working out.
Memorize your first three lines.
The hardest part in public speaking is actually getting started, in my experience, I always think of what could go wrong. Try to memorize the first 3 line in what your presentation is about. This will then shift your brain out of panic mode and into memory mode.
Plan a dialogue rather than a monolog.
Would you rather do make a presentation in front of a group of people or engage conversation with a group of people? Most people would rather be engaged with the topic, rather than worrying how will you memorise all the content deliver it flawlessly and just remember to breathe. Plan to speak for the first minute of your presentation that requires a response and then ask your audience a question that requires an answer or even show a quick video and get some feedback. At least it’ll give you enough time to have a quick breather.
These 3 steps are actually quite interesting and I think for my next presentation I’m going to try them.
If you like what you read, please have a look at other blogs post I’ve written thanks x

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Researchers have shown that exercise is really good for the mental health, it doesn’t matter what your age is. studies show that making time for exercise provides some serious mental benefits. In my own experience I hundred percent agree with this, when I got to the gym or even for a walk I feel so much better mentally. Exercise reduces stress, when you have a rough day at work try walk or go for a quick workout. One of the most common mental benefits of exercise is stress relief working up a sweat can help your mental stress. Doing exercise can help boos happy chemicals. Studies have shown that exercise ease symptoms among depression. Working out can help improve self-confidence which is good for the mental health. When you’re feeling confident you feel a lot better for your self.

1. Reduce stress. Rough day at the office? Take a walk or head to the gym for a quick workout. One of the most common mental benefits of exercise is stress relief. Working up a sweat can help manage physical and mental stress. Exercise also increases concentrations of norepinephrine, a chemical that can moderate the brain’s response to stress. So go ahead and get sweaty — working out can reduce stress and boost the body’s ability to deal with existing mental tension. Win-win!
2. Boost happy chemicals. Slogging through a few miles on the treadmill can be tough, but it’s worth the effort! Exercise releases endorphins, which create feelings of happiness and euphoria. Studies have shown that exercise can even alleviate symptoms among the clinically depressed. For this reason, docs recommend that people suffering from depression or anxiety (or those who are just feeling blue) pencil in plenty of gym time. In some cases, exercise can be just as effective as antidepressant pills in treating depression. Don’t worry if you’re not exactly the gym rat type — getting a happy buzz from working out for just 30 minutes a few times a week can instantly boost overall mood.
3. Improve self-confidence. Hop on the treadmill to look (and more importantly, feel) like a million bucks. On a very basic level, physical fitness can boost self-esteem and improve positive self-image. Regardless of weight, size, gender, or age, exercise can quickly elevate a person’s perception of his or her attractiveness, that is, self-worth. How’s that for feeling the (self) love?
4. Enjoy the great outdoors. For an extra boost of self-love, take that workout outside. Exercising in the great outdoors can increase self-esteem even more. Find an outdoor workout that fits your style, whether it’s rock-climbing, hiking, renting a canoe, or just taking a jog in the park. Plus, all that Vitamin D acquired from soaking up the sun (while wearing sunscreen, of course!) can lessen the likelihood of experiencing depressive symptoms. Why book a spa day when a little fresh air and sunshine (and exercise) can work wonders for self-confidence and happiness?
5. Prevent cognitive decline. It’s unpleasant, but it’s true — as we get older, our brains get a little… hazy. As aging and degenerative diseases like Alzheimer’s kill off brain cells, the noggin actually shrinks, losing many important brain functions in the process. While exercise and a healthy diet can’t “cure” Alzheimer’s, they can help shore up the brain against cognitive decline that begins after age 45. Working out, especially between age 25 and 45, boosts the chemicals in the brain that support and prevent degeneration of the hippocampus, an important part of the brain for memory and learning.
6. Alleviate anxiety. Quick Q&A: Which is better at relieving anxiety — a warm bubble bath or a 20-minute jog? You might be surprised at the answer. The warm and fuzzy chemicals that are released during and after exercise can help people with anxiety disorders calm down. Hopping on the track or treadmill for some moderate-to-high intensity aerobic exercise (intervals, anyone?) can reduce anxiety sensitivity. And we thought intervals were just a good way to burn calories!
7. Boost brainpower. Those buff lab rats might be smarter than we think. Various studies on mice and men have shown that cardiovascular exercise can create new brain cells (aka neurogenesis) and improve overall brain performance. Ready to apply for a Nobel Prize? Studies suggest that a tough workout increases levels of a brain-derived protein (known as BDNF) in the body, believed to help with decision making, higher thinking, and learning. Smarty (spandex) pants, indeed.
8. Sharpen memory. Get ready to win big at Go Fish. Regular physical activity boosts memory and ability to learn new things. Getting sweaty increases production of cells in hippocampus responsible for memory and learning. For this reason, research has linked children’s brain development with level of physical fitness (take that, people who hate PE!). But exercise-based brainpower isn’t just for kids. Even if it’s not as fun as a game of Red Rover, working out can boost memory among grown-ups, too. A study showed that running sprints improved vocabulary retention among healthy adults.
9. Help control addiction. The brain releases dopamine, the “reward chemical” in response to any form of pleasure, be that exercise, sex, drugs, alcohol, or food. Unfortunately, some people become addicted to dopamine and dependent on the substances that produce it, like drugs or alcohol (and more rarely, food and sex). On the bright side, exercise can help in addiction recovery. Short exercise sessions can also effectively distract drug or alcohol addicts, making them de-prioritize cravings (at least in the short term). Working out when on the wagon has other benefits, too. Alcohol abuse disrupts many body processes, including circadian rhythms. As a result, alcoholics find they can’t fall asleep (or stay asleep) without drinking. Exercise can help reboot the body clock, helping people hit the hay at the right time.
10. Increase relaxation. Ever hit the hay after a long run or weight session at the gym? For some, a moderate workout can be the equivalent of a sleeping pill, even for people with insomnia. Moving around five to six hours before bedtime raises the body’s core temperature. When the body temp drops back to normal a few hours later, it signals the body that it’s time to sleep.
11. Get more done. Feeling uninspired in the cubicle? The solution might be just a short walk or jog away. Research shows that workers who take time for exercise on a regular basis are more productive and have more energy than their more sedentary peers. While busy schedules can make it tough to squeeze in a gym session in the middle of the day, some experts believe that midday is the ideal time for a workout due to the body’s circadian rhythms.
12. Tap into creativity. Most people end a tough workout with a hot shower, but maybe we should be breaking out the colored pencils instead. A heart-pumping gym session can boost creativity for up to two hours afterwards. Supercharge post-workout inspiration by exercising outdoors and interacting with nature (see benefit  number 4). Next time you need a burst of creative thinking, hit the trails for a long walk or run to refresh the body and the brain at the same time.
13. Inspire others. Whether it’s a pick-up game of soccer, a group class at the gym, or just a run with a friend, exercise rarely happens in a bubble. And that’s good news for all of us. Studies show that most people perform better on aerobic tests when paired up with a workout buddy. Pin it to inspiration or good old-fashioned competition, nobody wants to let the other person down. In fact, being part of a team is so powerful that it can actually raise athletes’ tolerances for pain. Even fitness beginners can inspire each other to push harder during a sweat session, so find a workout buddy and get moving

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Living with a parent with a mental illness

This post is all about living with a parent with a mental illness and the effects it has. I think this post is going to be the hardest yet to write I’ve never really spoken about this to anyone really some of the closest people to me wouldn’t know of this. I bottle everything up so this is way outside my comfort zone.

For most of my life I kind of knew there was something different about my mam when I was growing up I knew my relationship with my mam was completely different than my friends with their mams. To be honest I didn’t really have a relationship with my mam. Like when a girl is growing up her mam is usually her best friend not for me. As long as I can remember I always remember my mam not being like my friend’s mams. She used to always lose it over something so small.  But growing up I didn’t really think of it being any different.  It wasn’t till about 5 years ago where we all noticed something wasn’t right my mam. In 2012 my mam had kind of lost the plot. Her mood was all over the place. My dad started his own business in our home town and it wasn’t till then where things went pear shape.  My parents have been separate for a good few years.  They did have a civil relationship but it was more so for us.

That summer of 2012 is where we all noticed things weren’t right.  My mother had recently moved into her own new house. We would notice that she wasn’t herself. My mam started having a mental breakdown. I can’t exactly think how it started but I just remember she used to come into my dad business and just loses it in front of the customers, she used to make up stupid story’s that weren’t true.  After a few weeks of this happening we finally managed to persuade her to see someone. She was prescribed tablets and that she was meant to take but she wasn’t taking them at all. After a few weeks’ things were getting worse, she wouldn’t eat or clean herself and was losing so much weight and her mood would get worse, she was still coming into my dad’s business and losing it. We tried so many times to persuade her to volunteer into the local psychiatric hospital but she wouldn’t. As the law had change it was so hard for her to be sectioned. It wasn’t until one day she was really bad that we finally got the doctors to see sense and get her sectioned.  As I said before it the law being so strict with how long she could be sectioned for this meant that she was out after a few weeks even though she wasn’t better what so ever if anything I thought she was a lot worse.

She used to think the devil was living in her fingers it’s such a horrible experience to have to see your mam think she’s processed with the devil. This was start of a long journey of her coming in and out of hospital. After being let back out a couple of weeks later she was back in hospital.  After a couple of months in and out she decided to move back to the family home.  We thought this would be good for her but little did we know this next year would be hell for me and my sisters.  My mam would have episodes every so often and each episode would really get worse and worse, and as there is no help for us so there was little we could do, when my mam wasn’t in hospital she would be part a day center called lincara. To be honest over the last 5 years of having dealing with my mams mental illness there is actually no resources to deal with her for us. When my mam would have her outburst it was usually late in the evenings or on the weekends and of course there is no help for anyone come past 5 o’clock on a Friday which isn’t good what do they think at the weekends people don’t have outburst. So because there was no help for us the only thing we could actually do in ring the guards, yes I know it may seem mad ringing the guards on your own mother but having to deal with her outburst that’s the only thing we had to do. If your unaware of outburst you probably don’t have a clue what I’m talking about. When my mam is on an outburst is actually one of the most fighting things ever to deal with, she would be so violent and would physically attack us for no reasons and say some horrible things, its mad though because when she wasn’t on an outburst she wouldn’t bring up what she did.  It was so hard when she was on one of her outbursts to try to keep calm, there been so many times where you’d want to lose it but you can’t. it so hard to just stand and take her physically attacking you, but my god it gave me a lot of patience

2013 was one of the hardest years for me, I think this was when everything was at the worse. In this year my mam was in and out of hospital so many different times. She had so many outbursts these outbursts were violent. She would physically attack us or either threaten to burn the house down, and as I said before with the laws being so strict even when we had rung the guards when they arrived to the house and if they didn’t actually see her on an outburst they couldn’t do anything about, like there was some nights that she would have a good few outbursts in one night and the guards would have to be called so many different times in that one night. It wasn’t till the 3rd or 4th time in the one night of the guards being called before they could actually do anything. And even sometimes at that she would be brought down to the station and be seen by the doctor down there, for that doctor to say that she was alright to go home.

The day care center she used to go to was no help what’s so ever. We had plenty and plenty of meetings with her doctor to be still in the situation as we were in the first place. Because my mam wouldn’t take her tablets they tried to put her on an injection for her tablets. From this injection she received a reaction to it which left her with side effects kind of like Parkinson’s. The doctors never admitted that they should of know the side effect before giving it to her. After all this going on she was in hospital for a good few months with no break home. So them couple of month were hell for us and her. Also through all this we had the doctors telling us first of all she had Parkinson’s disease and then saying she has Lewy body and she would only have a few years to live. Which in the end it turns out she has none of them, it’s so bad that they telling us the wrong thing. Like when they told my mam that she had Parkinson’s they even had a OT come out to the family home and try get the house set up for, its mad that they waste tax payer’s money on getting her to come out to the house for no reason.

Each month she would be in and out of the hospital when she was in the hospital she was grand but when she was out of hospital she was a nightmare for us all. I just don’t get why there isn’t any help for family members who have to live with a member of their family with a mental illness. Like there be times were I be crying down the phone to the day center asking for help and what should we do and at that they said they couldn’t bring her in and if anything happen to called the guards which is ridiculous because why waste the guards time when they could be out there fighting real crime. So I had to deal with this for the last 5 years when it first happened I just had no life I didn’t want to do anything go visit my friends anything. it just got to me so much and I bottled everything up so much, 2015 and 2016 was hard years as well for us. My mam was mostly back home and she at this stage had turn to drink she was drinking all the time getting so drunk that she would passed out. One time I remember me and my sister was out and came home and she had locked the door and was so drunk that we had t called the guards to break down the door. I think like are whole neighborhood properly would of know about my mam. I found these two years very hard, I was up in Athlone in college even though I wouldn’t be actually facing what was happening at home I still knew that it was happening. At the moment she is in hospital but she can’t stay there

At the moment she is in hospital but she can’t stay there for ever. she can’t live in home house or she can’t live on her own. So after the long 5 years of mam in and out of hospital they diagnosed her with bipolar. They said that she had it all her life and the reason it was so bad is because she left it so long untreated. I still think thought that this isn’t what she has, like fair enough she had her outburst but she was never a high.  We just don’t know what to do now. Through all this you really find out people have such stigma over mental health like some of my mams family don’t even bother with her anymore or some of friends don’t either, I think that is just sad, why gives up on someone just because there ashamed that they have a mental illness. I wish there was so much more help out there for us but there isn’t.

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